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Posts Tagged ‘Divorce And Children’

Children Of Divorce: How Kids Are Affected By Splits

Posted by Ram Kumar Shrestha on August 10, 2012

By Natasha Burton

We asked adult children of divorce to share how their parents’ splits affected their lives in the long run, for better or for worse. This story came to us from Crystal Pearson, age 50.* (As told to Natasha Burton.)

My parents’ divorce would have screwed me up a lot less if they’d bothered telling me about it.

When they split up, I was in elementary school and I had no idea that there were any problems between them. As an adult, I can look back and see that I should’ve been able to put things together, like the fact that my mother’s boyfriends magically showed up whenever Dad went on extended trips, and so forth.

But if my parents fought they hid it well — with the sole exception of the fight they had the night they separated. (I found out as an adult that my dad had actually caught her in the sack with one of those aforementioned guys.)

That night, my father told me that we were “moving out of state” immediately and that Mom would join us “sometime.” I wasn’t sure why we had to be gone so fast, but I did my best to try to help with the packing. I was actually excited because I loved traveling and was looking forward to living in a new state.

I had no relationship with my mother following the move. A school year passed and I was left wondering when “sometime” would ever come. I really missed my mother. Every day, I hoped she’d come walking through the door. But I never saw her again — no letters, no calls, nothing. All I had were memories of what I’d thought was a happy home life. The idea that my mother was in the process of relinquishing custody of me and never wanted to see me or my dad again was something I couldn’t even fathom; it never even entered my mind. It can still, to this day, be difficult to understand. Read the rest of this entry »

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How to Avoid a Nasty Divorce

Posted by Ram Kumar Shrestha on August 10, 2012

By Lubov Stark Esq, Founder and Principal of Lubov Stark LLC

As a divorce lawyer for the past 17 years, I get to meet and speak to dozens of people every week regarding their relationships and the problems they encounter in their marriages. Having counseled thousands of people, I am privy to both the underbelly of marriage and divorce. In the same way that people get married by choice, they make a choice about the tone of their divorce.

Avoiding war in divorce is as simple as avoiding war with your neighbor. It is complex, but at the same time achievable. I always ask my clients to reflect on the following five questions before deciding on a strategy in their divorce:

1. Can you envision being friends with your spouse after your divorce?

There must be some redeeming qualities to the soon-to-be ex spouse because my client chose to marry him/her to begin with. By eliciting this inquiry, clients may be more inclined to re-focus their attention on something positive, thereby creating a balance to the traditionally favored approach of anger and resentment.

1. Can you envision your divorce as a new beginning as opposed to the end?

Life is a progression of changing events, both in your personal and professional life. If clients are able to see the greater picture, they are more likely to reflect on marriage as one episode in their journey as opposed to having their marriage define them. Some marriages may last a lifetime, but others just run their course. This goes back to the inquiry into the belief systems and expectations of each person. From my experience, most negative feelings in the divorce process come from a person’s inability to reconcile that it is actually happening to him or her. Divorce is simply impossible to predict.

3. Are you willing to recognize that your children deserve to be raised in a loving, peaceful environment, even though you are getting divorced? Read the rest of this entry »

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Happy Kids Divorce More: University Of Cambridge Study

Posted by Ram Kumar Shrestha on March 15, 2011

No doubt after number of divorces, finally they would know what is life and that time it could be too late. If they can not compromise and ignore own weakness with existing own, the same process will repeat with others as well ruining their own life and kids’ as well.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

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