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Posts Tagged ‘Friends With Your Ex’

How to Avoid a Nasty Divorce

Posted by Ram Kumar Shrestha on August 10, 2012

By Lubov Stark Esq, Founder and Principal of Lubov Stark LLC

As a divorce lawyer for the past 17 years, I get to meet and speak to dozens of people every week regarding their relationships and the problems they encounter in their marriages. Having counseled thousands of people, I am privy to both the underbelly of marriage and divorce. In the same way that people get married by choice, they make a choice about the tone of their divorce.

Avoiding war in divorce is as simple as avoiding war with your neighbor. It is complex, but at the same time achievable. I always ask my clients to reflect on the following five questions before deciding on a strategy in their divorce:

1. Can you envision being friends with your spouse after your divorce?

There must be some redeeming qualities to the soon-to-be ex spouse because my client chose to marry him/her to begin with. By eliciting this inquiry, clients may be more inclined to re-focus their attention on something positive, thereby creating a balance to the traditionally favored approach of anger and resentment.

1. Can you envision your divorce as a new beginning as opposed to the end?

Life is a progression of changing events, both in your personal and professional life. If clients are able to see the greater picture, they are more likely to reflect on marriage as one episode in their journey as opposed to having their marriage define them. Some marriages may last a lifetime, but others just run their course. This goes back to the inquiry into the belief systems and expectations of each person. From my experience, most negative feelings in the divorce process come from a person’s inability to reconcile that it is actually happening to him or her. Divorce is simply impossible to predict.

3. Are you willing to recognize that your children deserve to be raised in a loving, peaceful environment, even though you are getting divorced? Read the rest of this entry »

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